EHarmony And Other Online Dating Sites

Recently, I signed up for Eharmony. I signed up for Plenty Of Fish last year but didn’t stay with it. I went back to POF before signing up with eharmony. The main reason for this decision was because the men I was meeting on POF were really only looking for hookups which I’ve no interest in. Some were looking for recreational partners and while there is nothing inherently wrong with that I don’t want to put myself in a position of developing feelings for someone who isn’t on the same page. With any new relationship, there is the risk of not having feelings returned but I see no sense in putting myself in a place where they’re less likely to be returned. Last year I tried OkCupid but found it was primarily for hookups as well(basically men only looking for sex) so I decided on eharmony. I used it once before and didn’t get any matches. Perhaps I didn’t broaden my scope enough. I don’t remember. That was about ten years ago. This time I left it in my country rather than just state.

The downside to eharmony is that most of my matches(and the ones that choose to correspond with me) are at least two hours away which isn’t too bad but most are much farther away. That can be a problem because I’ve no desire for a long distance relationship. Of course, I could meet someone and it could work just fine provided the relationship didn’t pan out for too long a period of time before we make arrangements to live in the same town. I also understand that if I meet someone hundred’s of miles away and we want to make the relationship work that one or both of us may have to move to the other and that person will most likely be me.

Of course, I’m getting ahead of myself here. I’ve just signed up. For now, I’ll focus on the fact that my matches are not in my hometown. When I say hometown, an hour away isn’t a big deal. Even two hours isn’t bad as long as the other person is willing to meet somewhere in between. I travel a lot and love to drive and have the ability to do so. For some people, this will be a big issue. Especially, for those with 9 to 5 jobs and kids. This will hinder them tremendously. The upside to eharmony is they do compatibility matches so you are not wading through the jungle with no direction hoping that whoever you meet will be compatible. Just because you’re matched through an algorithm doesn’t mean that when you meet there will be chemistry and attraction but there is a better chance than doing it on your own.

I was watching a video on youtube from Evan Marc Katz(dating coach) which recommends going on at least one date a week. Your chances of meeting someone for marriage/long term relationship is much better that if you don’t date but a few times a year. I realize now I wasted a lot of time on men that didn’t deserve me and didn’t date nearly enough. If I had met someone ten or fifteen years ago I’m sure I’d be divorced now. I grew up in a dysfunctional home which led to dysfunctional relationships/friendships and now I have to try and undo all of that. And now that I’m nearly 50(I still feel 30, I don’t understand this chronological age thing) it’s a lot harder. Just google women finding love over 50 and the results are dismal so I know I have to be realistic. It’s not going to be as easy as when I was 30.

I can’t stress enough to those women in their 20’s and 30’s that now is the time to start really looking and going on a lot of dates in an effort to find Mr. Right. Even if you don’t want to get married right now if you think one day you will want to have a family then your 20’s is the time to start. By the time you find someone you will be older. As the old saying goes you will probably have to kiss a lot of frogs(you may kiss a few years worth of frogs) before finding the prince. I know many women want to concentrate on careers but finding someone especially as you get older is a full-time job. Besides, I’m of the mindset that you can do both and no one said you have to get into a relationship. In fact, the dating process is about having fun, building your socialization skills, making friends and finding someone for a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there that shouldn’t have been let out of the institution let alone allowed to get into the institution of marriage.

If you grew up in a dysfunctional home, your 20’s is the time to seek counseling. It will be a lot easier to undo the damage at 20 than at 40.

If I could do it over I know I would have spent a lot more time trying to find Mr. Right. The downside is that because my childhood was so dysfunctional followed by dysfunctional relationships that I wouldn’t have been suitable for anyone. Because of this, I lost the opportunity to have children. By the time I met my ex-husband(we were never legally married but lived together for 10 years) at 39 I settled and had long since given up on love. I didn’t know why my relationships didn’t work out. I had no idea what was wrong. It wasn’t until my ex and I went to therapy that she told me that dysfunctional attracts dysfunctional and until I can change that I will never have a healthy romantic relationship. Now I’m working on myself as best I can. My therapist(she’s now retired and I have a new male therapist) told me not to date and stay away from the opposite sex for a minimum of 5 years. I’m not too thrilled with that idea and I know that avoiding dating until I’m 55 or older is also ridiculous. It also sets me up for getting into another bad relationship because I believe long periods of no affection and loneliness lead into these bad experiences.

I’ve decided that I will both. I will work on myself first and meeting someone will be secondary. It could take 5 years to meet the man I’ve wanted my entire life and by then my work will be coming to an end. And I might not meet anyone or I could get into yet another relationship that fails. There’s no way to know what the future holds.

Once again I got way off course from the intended topic of online dating sites. This said it’s too early to say whether I’ll have success or not. So far, I like eharmony better than the others I’ve tried now or in the past. In the past, I’ve used with no success.

Visit my other blogs at 5Ve which is my haunted blog, Haunted Abandoned CarolinasCypress-Willow BlogMy Free Personal Blog and you can read my articles at Hubpages. Peace…..

Revenge In The 21st Century~Don’t Get Caught

In this post I’m going to talk about how not to get caught when you decide to get revenge. If someone has wronged you they deserve to pay for their bad behavior. That’s my motto. Now some will think I’m immoral and unethical. Maybe I am but I don’t care. I have no problem exacting punishment and as I said in a previous post I’ve never been one to be very forgiving when it comes to being romantically wronged especially when he knew what he was doing. I’m not tolerant of anyone else causing me problems either. How much they’ve hurt you or how much trouble they’ve caused depends on the degree of malice you should enact. You don’t want it to be overkill but you also want them to know they were wrong. Remember however, that some people will never recognize their bad behavior and think you’re psycho. But if you’re like me you don’t care about that but what you don’t want is to get caught. Even on the minor stuff.

Some people use VPN’s that are supposed to be anonymous but may not be. Personally, I prefer wifi hotspots. They usually come up as being nowhere near the actual location you’re at. Of course they may be using a proxy and if they are law enforcement can find out the location. My advice is to play it safe and go at the busiest times such as meal time and friday night and the weekend. You may also want to avoid using anything other than cash. Most places have surveillance and if law enforcement is determined enough they will find out who’s responsible. The last couple of times I’ve chosen to get even with someone I was out of my home state several hundred miles away. Unless you’re doing something particularly extravagant where the FBI would get involved then you have nothing to worry about. The police in the target’s location can’t do anything as it’s out of their jurisdiction and the police in your location aren’t going to fool with it. Another tip, when you access the internet for revenge purposes don’t log in to any of your own accounts. That includes email, anything. Keep it separate. Even wifi isp’s keep log records of everything on their network.

There are dozen’s of wifi hotspots too. My personal favorite is Mcdonald’s. The other very popular one is starbucks. Places like Walmart and Lowes also offer wifi which can be accessed outside in the parking lot if you don’t mind sitting in your car and your device is charged. I have an inverter box in my car that I use when my battery gets low. I avoid using this as much as I can so I’m not idling fuel away. When it was cooler I rather enjoyed sitting in my car writing, researching and blogging. And the good thing about these places is they have an extremely high turnover of people but they have surveillance.

Personally, I like to leave my hometown to exact internet revenge and it gives me the opportunity to take pictures along the way and have fun. If you can’t do that, alter the places you go. Try not to go to the same wifi spot all the time and at the same times. If you do happen to go to a neighboring town for something take the time to do some online pranking if you have time.

Remember that most of what you do is going to be illegal even if you think it’s a harmless prank. At least from the subjects eyes and what they tell the police. Guaranteed if what you do annoys them enough to go to the police the story they tell them will be much worse than what is reality. They will make it worse in hopes of forcing law enforcement to start an investigation and in some cases if their lies are convincing enough they will. Family members will always back them up even if it means lying. They take what their loved one says at face value never taking into consideration it might be a lie.

Before the police can contact you they must have some proof that you are responsible. In some cases police will not follow that protocol and attempt to question you anyway. In such an instance, if it comes to that, your best defense is to point them in the direction of the best, most hateful, nastiest criminal attorney in town. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t a client if it’s just harassing junk mail, derogatory photo-shopped pictures or soliciting phone calls. Of course, if it ever gets to this point it’s time to stop whatever you’re doing.

To wrap up be cautious! Nothing or no one is worth going to jail over.

Visit my other blogs at Haunted Abandoned CarolinasSassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger5Ve which is my old haunted blog and Life990 which is my old personal blog. You can read my articles at Hubpages. Peace….

Being Hit On Outrageously By A Man

The inspiration for this post came from an incident this morning at Walmart. And like many of my other stories, this one is a doozy although not as outrageous as some. I posted this message on a couple of different forums to garner some feedback.

Ok, I’m not sure if this is where this belongs but I wanted to get some input. Just a little background. I’m currently traveling(Oklahoma) and do all the time for business, etc.
So today in Walmart a guy(20 yrs younger) hits on me. Summed up, “I’m married with 2 kids, wife’s not giving me any so why don’t you give me some? But first, gotta get drugs. My dealer just walked in the store.” This is nothing new. Some are way more outrageous. I’m attractive for late 40’s but this ridiculous. It’s getting worse as I get older. Last yr I had a guy stop me while I was walking and wanted to know if I’d go to his apt with him and one the most outrageous was a guy in Utah who stopped by my car(I was in front of an abandoned building looking at something on my phone), we chat then he asks me to dare him to walk to the building naked. He then gets out of his car and starts taking his clothes off. I wish him well and drive away. Later I tell this to a man I know and he says, “OMG, that is the most outrageous way I’ve heard of a man hitting on a woman. When this happens I’m not smiling, looking around, as if I’m open to even being approached. And I’m not some celebrity model lookalike. And it doesn’t matter what I say, I can say anything, I could say I was satan, no matter how bad, they’re only more enamored. Unfortunately, I don’t attract the right kind of relationships either(but that’s a whole other story and they’re almost, if not more outrageous). So I’m wondering, do I have a neon sign on my forehead? Or does this happen to everyone else too? Or maybe it’s the shock factor….Just trying to understand this behavior. Everyone around me(my therapists especially) think I should write a book. Admittingly, everyone would be rolling on the floor. So, do other women encounter this too?

As expected I didn’t get very many replies. Only on Hubpages did I get a couple. I can surmise that other women have never experienced this so have nothing to offer or it does and they don’t wish to discuss it. Either way, I’m thinking I must be some kind of anomaly. The replies I did get pointed out that I must be somehow to blame for these occurrences just as rape victims somehow caused their assault. It was pointed out Walmart is a seedy place, therefore, I’m encouraging bad behavior by simply being in such an unworthy environment. Or I must have been dressed provocatively to encourage the men.

Does anyone else notice the paradigm here? If you are a woman and you are the subject of bad behavior or worse the victim of a crime then it is somehow your fault. But flip the coin, if this were a man, she would be a crazy b*tch.

Of course, none of this solves my predicament and that is trying to figure out why the oddballs are attracted to me. I am approachable I”ve been told and I’m certainly not going to be rude to men I don’t know. I’m going to be polite as that is the safest route to take. It’s easier to say something they will find a complete turnoff and send them running in the opposite direction or bore them to death although this isn’t easily done with these kinds of men. Just today, when I was in subway getting my sandwich I was chatting with the women that worked there and one accurately pointed out, there are a lot of cuckoo(her words) people around. The other was hit on a man 20+ years older than she, a man she had no interest in and told him a pile of BS(she had 5 or 6 kids, multiple divorces, etc.) but it was no deterrent. These kinds of men aren’t easy to get rid of.

I also wonder if it could be the shock factor or perhaps there’s another motive or it’s that I just attract weirdos. Whatever it is, I’ve no answers.

My other blogs are Haunted Abandoned Carolinas5VeCypress-Willow BlogSassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger and you can read my articles at Hubpages…..Peace…..

When Everything Goes Wrong~From A Paranormal Perspective

There are more questions here than answers because when it comes to the supernatural, God and faith, these are things we can’t actually see nor prove scientifically so most writings are based on opinions.

Over the past few days, everything has been going wrong. One thing after the next all day every couple of days or so. I know what you’re thinking, this happens to everyone and you’re right. Everyone, at some point or another in their lifetime, will experience a series of either catastrophic or somewhat catastrophic events. Or maybe just a lot of low-level events that make life difficult. Over the past few days thankfully it has just been low-level stuff.

I know everyone experiences this. But I decided to dig a little deeper. What led me down this path is a video I’ve been watching called The Dark Side Of Cupid which I’ve yet to finish because it’s very long, over 3 hours.

A series of events making daily life difficult have nothing to do with relationships but the same premise applies. In the video, it talks about paranormal events that lead to bad relationships maybe even a series of bad relationships. Now I’m going to go so far as to say it’s aliens or other beings causing the problems but when one relationship/life problem after another keeps occurring one must start questioning what is really happening. It starts to not make sense. Some simply say they’re cursed or religious types will say it’s God’s will or God always has a plan. Or use the old scapegoat, the devil. Psychologists will blame the patient(better yet, the patient’s parents especially if they’re deceased or estranged) and tell him/her to do a series of tasks/self-work that should alleviate the symptoms.

Modern psychology isn’t equipped to handle anything beyond what it can see. Theology, likewise, is only able to blame what it can’t see and explain it the only way it knows how and that is satan.

Now break all of this down to it’s the finest core and ask yourself, “why does God wish to make it difficult for some of his children and not others?” Why does a loving God want to see his creation suffer? Religion scholars think it’s to make people stronger. This is man’s thinking. A human father thinks if he’s hard on his lazy son this will make him, “straighten up and fly right.” He thinks making daily life difficult and even unbearable will “teach him to be a man.” This is a human thinking. I can’t proceed to know how God thinks since He’s never actually told me but since he’s Almighty and greater than we are I would think His thoughts are far greater than ours.

Now break this down even further. Why does satan target some and not others? According to theologians, he targets those individuals who are the most God-serving. If this is true, why? Nothing Lucifer does is going to make the saved suddenly worship him.

Have you ever noticed how so many in church seem to be suffering so many illnesses? If you ever want to know where all the sick are in your community start with the churches. Now, this only makes the Christians pray harder. As far as I can see it does nothing to get everyone on his team. I was always taught the devil wants everyone in Hell with him. Since according to the bible and the pastors that preach from it that aren’t going to happen why not just target the lost and keep them in the dark by providing an endless supply of goodies and wishes come true?

None of it makes sense to me. The Christians are going to tell me there’s a bigger plan and no one knows what it is. But all in due time(usually when we die or when we get our hearts desires) we will know what God’s plan was. Again, I don’t understand how making people suffer is going to accomplish anything.

Personally, I think God lets us live our life, however, we see fit without interference from Him. If we get what we want, that’s great, if not that’s fine too. I believe the bible offers us an outline on how we should live and treat others. If we do, fine, if not the universe will deal with us and all the negative energy we sent out into the earth to accomplish our goals. There’s nothing to be gained by God punishing us and there’s no reason for the devil to punish us either.

In the video, it talks about entities that feed off of our life force stealing our energy from us. It’s no secret that negative energy is stronger than positive. Now whether those entities are demonic or otherwise I don’t know. What I do question is Lucifer needing our energies. He wasn’t stripped of his powers when he was cast from heaven. If he had been he’d have no way of meddling in anyone’s lives or causing problems.

Whether these entities are direct descendants of satan or some other world, universe, planet or dimension, again I don’t know. There are many questions that I’ve no answer for. But I believe there are outside forces than hinder or help us in terms of friendships, family,  jobs, relationships and many other aspects of our lives.

Visit my other sites at Haunted Abandoned Carolinas5VeCypress-Willow BlogSassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger and you can read my other articles at Hubpages. Peace…..

When A Soulmate Has Already Died

For awhile now I’ve been wondering if it’s possible if my soulmate(the one true person for me) has already died. I found an interesting article Is Your Soulmate Already Dead that seems to think so. It makes sense, for those people that never seem to find happiness and instead a flurry of failed relationships or can’t find love at all.

I’m one of those unfortunate people that, as my aunt put it, couldn’t find a good man if my life depended on it. Whether this is because he died before I met him I can’t say. It’s an idea that I’ve pondered for awhile now. Is it really possible?

In the article the author says if you find yourself repeating relationship situations then there’s a good chance this may be a past life experience. This could be true but there’s a much more plausible explanation and it’s quite simple. You’re repeating dysfunctional relationship patterns and of course they feel familiar. The new person in your life is like the last one that didn’t work out and until you can figure out how to stop attracting dysfunctional and attract someone who’s functional and ready to be in a relationship, you’re going to continue with the same problems over and over again. Unfortunately, it’s isn’t easy to pinpoint your problem areas and sometimes even harder to attract the right kind of person. Once you get into a cycle it’s hard to break. It’s easy to go back to what’s familiar and comfortable. But even when you do change key areas and are ready to meet the right kind of person it can be difficult. Even when you are entirely functional you may still keep meeting the wrong kind. Therapists will tell you, “dysfunctional attracts dysfunctional.” I don’t disagree with this statement. But they will follow with, “it will take 3 to 5 years to fix yourself(as if you’re an automobile) before you should even consider dating. This is what my last therapist told me. And that means 5 years worth of fees for them. Whether you’re actually fixed or even needed fixing is another matter and whether you will actually meet Mr. Right when the therapy ends is an even bigger IF. Of course every therapist is different. My current therapist told me to embrace the instability and distractions were a good time filler. These distractions keep you from thinking about your situation and what it is you actually want. He didn’t say the last part but this is what you’re doing. It keeps you from getting as frustrated as you would otherwise be. The truth is, therapists don’t really know the answer and when all else fails they blame your parents. If the parents are dead this is especially useful. It’s Mom and Dad’s fault you’re failing at love. Continually failing at love is not only heartbreaking, it’s stressful and keeps you from being as healthy as you should be. Statistics say people live longer and healthier when they have companionship. It’s nice to have affection and love but we don’t all find it. It’s like winning the lottery. Some do, some don’t. It’s the love lottery. Sometimes you spend 5 dollars to win one dollar. Those are the failed, dysfunctional relationships and you wish you’d kept your five bucks. After all, you could have bought a latte and saved yourself a mountain of heartache.

I believe people can live just as long and healthy as their married counterparts. It’s all how they handle their situation. It’ can be extremely frustrating to want something that you can’t seem to find. But people that are happy alone have found other things to fill their lives. Distractions that keep them too busy to think about Mr/Ms Right.

There comes a time when you either accept your situation of not meeting the right one and move on or dwell in it. This is more unhealthy than not having a companion.

Accepting that your soulmate is either not out there or more likely died before meeting is to a degree comforting. It doesn’t give you that affection and love you desire and crave. But it can give you peace.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with me. I’m kind, loyal, loving and a good person. There’s absolutely no reason that any man should have rejected me. There’s no reason I should have always attracted addicts, alcoholics and abusers but I do. I don’t even have to speak and I still attract Mr. Wrong. It’s like I have a neon sign attached to my forehead begging the wrong man to beckon. I’m sure I’m not the only woman or man who’s faced this situation. Quite honestly, I believe this to be partly a breakdown in our society. I also think some areas have a higher incidence of crappy men. But mostly it’s society. I also believe the most people who reject an otherwise good candidate doesn’t want a good person. They can put it down to chemistry or whatever they want but they really don’t. And my theory for the reason why is if they accept a good person(one who will be faithful, loyal, loving and there for them) they can no longer be a victim. As long a person only accepts bad relationship candidates(ones who cheat, lie, stab them in the back)  they can continually be a victim. Most people like being victims. They get sympathy. If they accept someone better they won’t get that pity. It sounds crazy but this is the conclusion I’ve come to.

What this means for you. Provided your soulmate is still breathing, is when you meet new people and find out their last relationship ended because of cheating, lying, etc. is to run away. There’s always a chance this could be the one but more than likely it’s going to be another heartache. First, if he/she divulges that he/she was cheated on, lied to, etc. this is good indicator that the cheater still has power over him/her and until that power is vanquished(the first thing about his/her last relationship isn’t he/she cheated) this person will not be ready for a new relationship. This must be resolved. When it is he/she will only say the relationship didn’t work out. This isn’t withstanding that a person can lie but most don’t because they garnish compassion when they talk about their cheating ex spouses. The same goes for all other dysfunctionalities such as addictions, etc.

To wrap up. it may or may not be true that if you’re continually meeting the wrong one that he/she may have died already. If he/she did then there’s the possibility you will meet in the afterlife. This isn’t much of a comfort when you really want someone to put his arms around you but it’s better than the alternative which is to think that there’s simply no one out there for you. Or you may meet in a future life and finally get the love you always craved. The truth is, most people have that special someone out there for them and either you aren’t looking hard enough or they really did die already. It isn’t hard for most people to meet their soulmate. Most people just do but when you don’t there’s a very real possibility that he/she died before you could meet.

I visit alot of cemeteries to take pictures and sometimes I wonder if my soulmate is buried in one of them. This is a very real possibility.

The one good piece of advice I offer is to know that all those people that rejected you are the ones losing out. Not you. They decided for whatever reason they didn’t want someone who would love them and be loyal. They’re stupid. And you don’t want a stupid person. They’d rather have cheaters, liars, addicts, abusers, alcoholics, people that treat them badly, etc. You don’t want this. You are a good person. You deserve love just like everyone else. You’re too good for most people out there. This may seem self centered but being open and loving didn’t work and your soulmate is probably in a graveyard somewhere so it’s a matter what kind of attitude you have.

Visit my other sites at 5VeHaunted Abandoned Carolinas and My Articles…….

Single At 50

First, my apologies for being away so long. It’s been a taxing and busy few months sharing a house with my ex and navigating the new world of living under the same roof but not being together. It was a mutual decision to split although there was alot of pain and drama in the beginning. Now it’s just kind of lonely.

But I’m not here to talk about my new living arrangement. Instead, I want to talk about what it’s like being single in your forties and beyond and what it feels like(from my perspective, of course) on being a never married(legally, that is, because my ex and I considered ourselves married for the years we were together and didn’t need a piece of paper to tell us) single female.

For the past few days I’ve been researching this topic online. Every article is pretty much the same just reworded and regurgitated. Most of the articles tell the women that if they aren’t finding Mr.Right then it’s something they’re doing wrong to drive men away. And sometimes they are. But that can also be the farthest from the truth. Like most things I have a few opinions or rather conclusions I’ve come to in my many years of dating and relationships. It may seem jaded and cynical but I speak entirely from personal experience.

First, I’m intelligent, loving, loyal, attractive, healthy and a good woman and there’s absolutely no reason for any man not to be with me. In fact, I had a male friend point out that he didn’t understand why I’d never gotten married and couldn’t understand the men I’d been with(because I have many good traits). Well, that makes two of us. Let me explain what I’ve learned. My relationships didn’t work out not because there’s something wrong with me, they simply didn’t work. It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t their fault. The men obviously wanted something I couldn’t give them. I spent years trying to find Mr. Right only to be disappointed. Well meaning advice says, “change yourself,” “be the woman men want.” There’s only one problem with that advice, you must change for every new person you date. That is tiresome and stressful and sooner or later the real you has to come out. When? After the marriage ceremony? Not in the days of same day divorces. There’s nothing wrong with making changes to improve yourself. But do it for you. Not because some advice columnist says to do it to “catch a man.”

After my mother died when I was 37 I decided to let go of the hunting and start living for myself and no one else and determined to be happy without a man even if that meant never finding anyone. Which is a very real possibility. It’s scary to think of hitting very old age(nursing home old age) and never find that one person to spend the rest of your life with and never having kids makes this prospect even scarier. But kids don’t visit their elderly parents anyway.

My mother died when she was only 65. I made a decision that I was going to live life and stop this frantic searching. I don’t know what the future holds. I could die young too. I started traveling and got interested in photography and haunted places and started living for myself. Many people ask if I travel alone. Some don’t understand it. I’m not going to sit around waiting to visit all the places I want to until I find a husband. If I never find it I would miss out on all the great places I’ve been and all those memories and pictures. Yes, I did it alone and I’m glad I did. I had a male friend tell me this isn’t normal. Other women don’t do this. No they don’t because they’re saddled with children and jobs they can’t take with them. And ex-husbands and families. I have none of that. It’s just me. So I can do what I want, when I want. I’m sure some men like my friend find this daunting.

The point here is: Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today because tomorrow is guaranteed to none of us. If you want to travel do it, write a book do it, skydive do it, whatever it is do it. Don’t wait because you’d rather have a partner to do it with. Because in all honesty you may never find a partner and if you don’t then you will have missed out on alot. You may also find you like the freedom of doing things by yourself even more. I did. I decide where I want to go and when with no input from anyone else. Of course, this can be a drawback when married. Getting too used to certain things can be problematic. My male friend found this to be an issue with women he was interested in. By the time a woman is in her forties she’s used to doing things a certain way and isn’t too receptive to change. That was a complaint he had. We talked at length about how hard it is to incorporate two lives into one when you’re older because by 40+ we are set in our ways(as he put it). It’s an old-fashioned term, one my grandmother used frequently and I hated it but to a large degree my friend is right. We’ve already been running our lives for a long time on our own and if we’ve been single a long time we won’t know as much about living with another person. Both people have to learn to live with another and if one person has kids it stands to reason the one without kids is going to be the one compromising the most because parents aren’t going to completely upend their children’s lives. If both have kids it can be especially problematic. Some people are quite flexible while others are not but if kids are involved it’s much harder to be flexible because the parent must think of their child first, always, no exceptions. I’ve never had a relationship with a man with children(not because I mind children) so I can’t really speak on parenting and dating.

The point here is: finding love after 50(even in your forties) is hard and I don’t think I have to tell any woman in her 40’s, 50’s and many younger women this. I hope what you take from this is to live your life like there is no tomorrow. Don’t put off doing the things you want because there is no partner. If there are improvements to be made make them. Make them because it’s good for you not because it will be good for someone else. Not because it will help you find Mr. Right. And above all else, celebrate your strengths, love yourself and know you are a good person and if men don’t want that, it is their loss not yours. And lastly, know that just because a man looks good on paper doesn’t necessarily mean he is as good as it seems. One thing I learned from my last boyfriend(who was seemingly a great guy and he is a good person) was any man who doesn’t want a good woman has issues. And not all good men want good women. This is something that no one is going to tell you. He may say he wants a good woman but the reality is he doesn’t.

With that, happy hunting and good luck!!!

Hacker Warfare

I’ve spent the better part of the last few days changing all of my passwords, the ones I was able to regain control of, because someone went into my accounts. Quite a number of them. This isn’t the first time. My accounts such as email, ebay(other auction and shopping sites), paypal, social media, my websites, affiliate programs, dating profiles, etc. have been hacked into many times. At first it was primarily ebay, paypal and email when I was selling items. Later ebay and paypal were hacked for the purpose of buying goods and charging it to my credit card on file with paypal. Luckily, paypal and ebay caught it very quickly. On one occasion almost all of my accounts were hacked. This time alot of them were. Sometimes only one or two accounts will be hacked into and other times many will suffer.

When it first happened paypal told me to make sure the passwords were different for each site. I followed that advice but the accounts have been tampered with anyway.

After this last attack, I remembered my ex housemate had a couple of my passwords. Primarily because when I lived there he would use my streaming/shopping accounts. He and his son had access even after I left because I knew how much they enjoyed streaming services. I’m not saying either one of them are responsible, anyone could be but I’ve no way to know if my ex housemate’s son accessed the accounts from his mother’s and/or gave them the passwords. For that matter, my ex housemate could have given my streaming passwords to his girlfriend so she wouldn’t have to pay for the services. My ex husband has passwords for accounts we share. Quite frankly, until this last episode I really didn’t think about it. Since most of my passwords are different I didn’t think it was an issue. Unfortunately, my passwords aren’t as strong as they should be and I have a rather unique way of keeping track of my passwords so I can remember them. One that might give a diligent hacker an easy way into the accounts. I tried writing them down a few years ago but that got me into trouble too when a man living with my dad and me found the notebook with my passwords and decided to help himself.

Unfortunately, there’s no foolproof way of keeping someone out of accounts that want in them badly enough. I’ve even heard of software now that can run hundred’s maybe thousand’s of password combination a minute.

Since then I’ve changed all of my passwords. Something that angered my ex housemate. I understand they like to stream but I explained that I’m not paying for his son’s mother, step siblings, his girlfriend or anyone they choose to give the password to get free services. Then I remembered a time long ago when my ex housemate told me he had all of my passwords as well as my financial information. At the time I attributed it to beer talk since he’s had a few.

There is a link at the bottom of this article on how attackers hack into an account. There is one point they didn’t touch on and that is, some accounts that are hacked into are not by strangers in foreign countries but rather someone they know which makes it that much easier to know personal information. Another big no-no is using someone else’s computer. We all know when using a public computer to log out of every account that is accessed but sometimes the user runs out of time and in unable giving the next user access. The computer won’t give the password away but the person might be able to figure it out. If using someone’s personal computer the threat is much higher. Even if you instruct the computer not to save the password there could be keylogging software running in the background and you’ve no way of knowing it. Also allowing someone access to your computer/devices could allow them to snoop when you’re not looking. When I was at my ex housemate’s I often used his personal computer. There was not likely anything nefarious going on but if he were using keylogging software he could have easily captured every single password to every site I went to including my bank and other very personal sites. He could certainly look over my browsing history to see which sites I accessed. You’d be surprised at just how much information people give away on personal sites and knowing someone well can help make the links easier. I also allowed him to use my computer when his was down and gave him a tablet I didn’t like. My ex husband has used my devices on numerous occasions.

Nonetheless, I’ve changed all of my passwords and hope no one else figures out what they are.

Here’s a good article on Hacker Warfare. It doesn’t really fit your everyday hacker gaining access to email and social media accounts but it’s worth reading. 5 Facts Explain The Threat Of Cyber WarfareMark Zuckerberg’s Twitter, Pinterest Accounts Hacked, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey’s Account Compromised By Hackers these last two show you anyone can be hacked. How Attackers Actually Hack Into Accounts is a good article on how to protect yourself. Techlicious offers some great advice too.

Hiding From People Search Sites, Information Brokers, Etc.

This is a very long article. My apologies in advance. Most of what I suggest will have to be done in steps. This means finding a place you want to live and first getting a po box and going from there. Before I start, nothing I say here should be construed as legal advice. If you have any questions as to the legality of anything posted here consult an attorney.

This is a secondary post to my article about sites like truthfinder, intelius, beenverified, etc. In this post, I’m going to talk about hiding. You might ask why you would want to hide. Aside from the privacy issues and wanting to escape prying eyes there’s also people(women in particular) that want to escape stalkers and others and don’t want these people knowing where they live and don’t want it to be as easy as paying a few dollars and having that information. To be honest, you don’t want the whole internet knowing where you live. All you have to do is annoy someone in a forum to find yourself dealing with harassment.

Unfortunately, today, your personal information is as easy to get as picking up the phone and ordering a pizza and anyone with a credit/debit card can have your personal information.

It doesn’t have to be that way. There are steps you can take to make yourself more difficult to find. Let’s start with the basics and where most information is obtained and that’s through people search sites. These sites use your address information from the headers obtained from credit reporting agencies like equifax and experian and these companies sell your information to whatever business is willing to pay for it. The same for your bank, credit card companies and any other place where you supply your home address. Since all credit card companies demand a physical address to be in compliance with the patriot act you have to give them a physical address. If you’re truly trying to hide you can use mailboxes etc where you’re given a physical address. There’s one problem with this however, if the bank asks you to send them a copy of your drivers license, not only will you be denied the credit card, they will submit your home address to a consumer reporting agency. There’s goes staying private. This brings me to number two on staying private, if you haven’t already update your drivers license to an address where you don’t live preferably on the other side of the state. And update your mail to a post office box. For this a regular PO Box will do. This should all be done before you move. If you’re being stalked you already know the only way to stay safe is move out of the area you currently live. This can be difficult especially if you have family. But you don’t have to move across the country. A town a couple of hours away should suffice. If your stalker can find you two hours away he can find you twelve hours away. And a truly motivated stalker will get on a plane if need be.

Driving records can often be purchased by anyone with enough personal information so this is a good reason to use an address other than one you actually live at. Just make sure the address exists and you have all information correct such as zip code, etc. Some may be thinking, “but what if I get pulled over, I can’t lie to an officer he’ll know and I will get a ticket.” First off, unless you get stopped every week he’s not going to know you live there. When he runs the address information his computer tells him if the address is accurate. To further protect yourself in case he asks questions, know who owns the property. That info can be gotten by going to any county property records website or calling the courthouse. As for the ethics of what you feel about lying to a law enforcement officer remember he’s not going to protect you if your stalker comes calling. And if you give your correct address that will end up in your driving record.

Okay, you know you should use a post office box when applying for credit cards, loans, bank account, car insurance(you must use the false physical address for this too) etc. You must use a post office box for everything. That includes employment, statements, everything where you enter an address. This is a must. If you want to get magazines, etc. get an extra big box. This box should preferably not be in the town you’re going to live. Your box will show up in the people search sites too. You don’t want your stalker showing up to the town you live and asking around until he gets a general idea of where you live or finds your workplace. The box should be at least 30 miles away or more and preferably two counties away or if you live on a stateline get the box over the line. If your stalker knows your line of work there’s nothing to stop him from calling various places until he finds you. There’s nothing you can do about this unless you tell them there’s a nickname you go by. Again by having a box forty miles away he/she will likely start his/her search in the post office box town.

To make things easier for yourself, buy a big box and go paperless everywhere you can. This way you can go further away and only check the box once every month or two.

This goes without saying but if you have social media accounts(and contrary to what most say about not having them and hiding even on the internet(this is a fallacy, you can’t hide, even elderly folks who’ve never touched a computer are online) don’t put your real location in those. Unfortunately, many are making you use your real name and all it takes is one tattletale to get your facebook profile pulled down. Twitter does allow you to use something other than your real name or just a first name. This is your opportunity to make good use of falsifying information. Don’t put where you work. You can change it to something you don’t do or leave it blank. Just don’t be too creative. For where you live, you can use the post office town but my recommendation is to use something else. Here you can put it anywhere. Just be sure to use the same information on every social media site you have an account. You want your stalker to think your dumb enough to tell the world where you live and work.

As for your own photos you need to strip them of the geolocation info. If you don’t know how to do that don’t put any personal photos up. Honestly, I recommend putting none up of yourself. If you’ve decided to change your appearance you don’t want your stalker to see it.

Keep your privacy settings high. Don’t allow automatic tagging or anyone else posting to your timeline but you. Keep your friends and followers list private. If someone can’t find you by looking at your information they can find you by looking at your friends and/or posing as an old friend. If you post via a phone keep location turned off or manually enter a location. Otherwise your phone may post your location. If you have kids and they have social media accounts make sure they understand to do the same thing. And make sure they only add people they know in real life. Know all of their friends. And everyone on their friend/follower lists.

On your way out of town you may want to consider trading your old car for another. One your stalker won’t recognize and if he’s put GPS tracking on the car he’ll be tracking someone else. Close all your bank accounts and don’t use the same bank in your new town. Don’t use a moving company. Avoid applying for housing until you have secured your new post office box. As soon as you have yourself set up in the new town close that box and get another one somewhere else. Utilities can be tricky. You can be traced through those too. If you can find someone to live with this may be preferable. Or use a variation of your name and a different SSN. I know this one is not legal but you’re trying to hide from someone who may kill you. This is something that will have to be planned for and done in advance of moving. You’ll have to get a credit file opened for the name and SSN you use so you will have to apply for credit cards. Remember, you’re not trying to get the card so use income that’s so low it will guarantee you don’t get the card. You can put any figure in there. $1000 a year will do and they won’t even consider issuance of credit. Regardless of what you’ve heard the information won’t show up on the actual SSN holder.

Another tricky one is medical records and health insurance. These are harder to obtain but can be. Since it’s almost impossible to use a different SSN and not recommended(it is medical identity fraud), if you’re a woman you can use a different last name(not one the stalker would think of). This is morally unethical but not really illegal unless you plan on not paying the bill.

Most importantly, don’t tell friends or family where you’re going when you leave and keep it private as to where you live exactly. This post office town applies to everything and everyone. This is the unfortunate downside to living with a stalker. You can’t trust that those around you will keep their mouths shut. All it takes is them telling one person who passes it to someone else.

I’m sure I may have forgotten something. Be smart, be safe and use your fake address and post office box for everyone and everything. Don’t trust anyone.

Visit my other site at Haunted Abandoned Carolinas and 5Ve. You can read my articles at Hubpages. God Bless

Old Cemeteries, The Paranormal Morphed Into Personal Post

What was supposed to be a post about old cemeteries and on my blog Haunted Abandoned Carolinas turned out to be mostly a bunch of ramblings and talking about the paranormal. I have no idea now which cemetery that picture was taken in. I’m going to assume it’s one in Missouri, however.

Today I wasted alot of time driving around and never did find anything I really wanted to stop and photograph. My head really wasn’t with it.  It was more about the driving than anything else. Finally, I realized I needed to fax some documents off and needed to find an office supply store. Had to drive thirty miles to find what I was looking for.

There’s an old cemetery that is allegedly haunted in the area I was in but by the time I got done it was getting late and the traffic was getting bad and I decided to just forget it. I usually find cemeteries I want to photograph by simply driving on U.S. or state highways rather than interstates or looking them up online. They may not necessarily be haunted but many are quite beautiful.

I’m still trying to get my head together after the last post about striking out without anyone. I’ve never really had any one. I mean NO ONE. No one to talk to, no one to turn to, no one to get advice from, no one to share things with and that is a very difficult concept. It’s not easy to strike out having no one and knowing there’s no one but yourself to rely on. I’ve always had to rely on just myself but having no one to talk to about anything is not easy. But that’s what I’m faced with. And like with all loss there’s grief. For me, there’s still the lagging grief of losing my parents probably because they’re the only family I had. The loss of a place to live, I lost that a few months ago but it’s still with me, the loss of a friend I care alot about and coming to the realization that it’s time to let this one go. Like with all male/female relationships sooner or later they have to come to an end. When they’re friendships you can keep them alot longer sometimes but when a new man or woman comes into the persons life it’s time to let it go. Not too many women or men appreciate their spouses/significant others having opposite sex friendships unless they too want to pursue a friendship with the person. While I have no statistics on this I’m pretty sure most people expect those friendships to come to an end. Afterall, the friend is entering a new chapter in his/her life and it doesn’t usually include past opposite sex friendships especially if those friendships were originally boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that didn’t work out for whatever reason.

I’ve lost other things too but these are the big ones, the ones that mean the most and the ones I have to let go of the most. But facing the world living off the grid and mobile with no family, no friends and no one to turn to is an arduous, demanding task. It’s one I’m not sure I’m up to but it’s also something that has to be concluded like it or not.

So what does all this have to do with old cemeteries? Other than the concept that my soulmate might be buried in one. Well, really nothing, other than the fact it’s what keeps me going. As I said in the last post I’m not sure what’s leading me in this direction once more. I’ve always had an interest in cemeteries and have been photographing them for awhile. Back in the summer, I would try to find one every night to have communion with the dead and take pictures. But let me be clear, I don’t go to cemeteries trying to contact the dead. I simply go there to be at peace and take pictures. The bible strictly prohibits communion with the deceased. Not that if I wanted to do so I would pay it much attention but I do believe in the ability to open doorways to other dimensions and since I have no way to know what might come through that portal I feel it best for my own safety and peace of mind to leave it alone and discourage it for those who think it’s a good idea.

This is one reason I’ve declined several offers to become a part of paranormal groups. I believe in the supernatural but I don’t believe in contacting the spirits in an effort to banish them. When a place is truly haunted how do I know if the spirits that inhabit it’s halls are that of the deceased that once lived there or more sinister entities? In essence how do I know these apparitions aren’t really demons?

Science says ghosts do not exist and you will find no scientist that supports it. Biblical scholars and religious people alike don’t support it instead stating emphatically that what is being seen are demons pretending to be the deceased. This may be true and it might not be. There is no scientific proof to support either theory. Until then, people are going to come down on whatever side their heart, upbringing, science and/or the bible tells them.

Until then, I’m just going to enjoy photographing cemeteries and be wary in those that are said to be haunted.

Visit my other blogs at Haunted Abandoned CarolinasSassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger5Ve which is my old haunted blog and Life990 which is my old personal blog. You can read my articles at Hubpages. Peace…..


Single And Lonely

I read this article 10 Heartbreaking Truths Single People Never Talk About and it made me cry.

Maybe because I too know what it’s like to be lonely. Due to my circumstances I don’t think I ever felt achy but there are times when it definitely hurts and depression is more pronounced. And reading about how it’s my fault that I’ve never met the right man doesn’t make me feel better. Being told that all I need to do is change my mindset and I’ll meet Mr. Right-And-Wonderful and that my failed relationships are the result of something missing within me don’t help either.

It’s true, no one that has never gone through loneliness knows what it feels like. No one can know the ache and the need that wells up inside of you and how there are days you just sit and cry. Again, being told that I’m not doing enough to meet the right guy or yet more changes need to be made isn’t helping. The majority of this well intended advice comes from people already married or paired up with a life partner. People that have never had a problem meeting people or making a relationship last can understand what it feels like to be single and lonely. No one can understand what it’s like when you’ve tried and tried again and fell down again and again. And the old adage, “Get up, try and try again” doesn’t work so well when you’ve been through one heartache after another. And you know deep down there is nothing inherently wrong with you. You’re a good person who is kind, honest, loyal, loving and has the ability to love someone deeply but no one gives you the chance. And someone telling you, “you just have to keep trying” isn’t much of a help especially when that advice is coming from a man you’re in love with and you want to scream, “well, since I possess all these good qualities and you’ve confirmed I’m loving and loyal then why is it you don’t want me?” And yes, I’m aware there has to be attraction but, “you are attracted to me”.

Most importantly, loneliness leads you to make poor choices but how poor can they be if you finally met someone who is sticking around?

In my case I met my ex husband at a time in my life when I was very loneliness although I was blissfully unaware of it. I’d lost my mother a short time earlier and my dad’s health was declining and I had no other family. My dad fought to live when he probably should have died because he worried about me and what would happen when he passed away because he knew I’d be all alone. The grief of losing the one man I knew I could always count on is still fresh even though it’s been six years. That’s something else no one understands until they’ve lost a parent.

I’d never intended to be anything more than friends when I met my ex husband but convenience, companionship and loneliness brought us together and we stayed together until I could no longer tolerate his alcoholism and I left to live in my car. Later a friend of his invited me to stay with him to get my business together and we ended up in a relationship, again unintended and probably the only reason I got into another was loneliness. I eventually left due to circumstances that are better left to another post.

In both circumstances I was lonely and I often beat myself up about this but it’s a human desire to crave love, affection and touch. No one can understand what it’s like to go months without even a hug. And know if you died that day no one would even know let alone miss you. That’s a very bitter pill to swallow. And it can lead to bad decisions. Such was the case for me.

If you’ve never been through the heartbreaking physical symptoms of loneliness and depression you can’t begin to understand it’s effect. And you are definitely in no position to tell anyone what you think they should be doing. Until you’ve experienced the grief that goes along with loneliness and losing all family members you can’t speak about something you know nothing about.

Visit my other blogs at Haunted Abandoned CarolinasSassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger5Ve which is my old haunted blog and Life990 which is my old personal blog. You can read my articles at Hubpages. Peace….