Single And Lonely

I read this article 10 Heartbreaking Truths Single People Never Talk About and it made me cry.

Maybe because I too know what it’s like to be lonely. Due to my circumstances I don’t think I ever felt achy but there are times when it definitely hurts and depression is more pronounced. And reading about how it’s my fault that I’ve never met the right man doesn’t make me feel better. Being told that all I need to do is change my mindset and I’ll meet Mr. Right-And-Wonderful and that my failed relationships are the result of something missing within me don’t help either.

It’s true, no one that has never gone through loneliness knows what it feels like. No one can know the ache and the need that wells up inside of you and how there are days you just sit and cry. Again, being told that I’m not doing enough to meet the right guy or yet more changes need to be made isn’t helping. The majority of this well intended advice comes from people already married or paired up with a life partner. People that have never had a problem meeting people or making a relationship last can understand what it feels like to be single and lonely. No one can understand what it’s like when you’ve tried and tried again and fell down again and again. And the old adage, “Get up, try and try again” doesn’t work so well when you’ve been through one heartache after another. And you know deep down there is nothing inherently wrong with you. You’re a good person who is kind, honest, loyal, loving and has the ability to love someone deeply but no one gives you the chance. And someone telling you, “you just have to keep trying” isn’t much of a help especially when that advice is coming from a man you’re in love with and you want to scream, “well, since I possess all these good qualities and you’ve confirmed I’m loving and loyal then why is it you don’t want me?” And yes, I’m aware there has to be attraction but, “you are attracted to me”.

Most importantly, loneliness leads you to make poor choices but how poor can they be if you finally met someone who is sticking around?

In my case I met my ex husband at a time in my life when I was very loneliness although I was blissfully unaware of it. I’d lost my mother a short time earlier and my dad’s health was declining and I had no other family. My dad fought to live when he probably should have died because he worried about me and what would happen when he passed away because he knew I’d be all alone. The grief of losing the one man I knew I could always count on is still fresh even though it’s been six years. That’s something else no one understands until they’ve lost a parent.

I’d never intended to be anything more than friends when I met my ex husband but convenience, companionship and loneliness brought us together and we stayed together until I could no longer tolerate his alcoholism and I left to live in my car. Later a friend of his invited me to stay with him to get my business together and we ended up in a relationship, again unintended and probably the only reason I got into another was loneliness. I eventually left due to circumstances that are better left to another post.

In both circumstances I was lonely and I often beat myself up about this but it’s a human desire to crave love, affection and touch. No one can understand what it’s like to go months without even a hug. And know if you died that day no one would even know let alone miss you. That’s a very bitter pill to swallow. And it can lead to bad decisions. Such was the case for me.

If you’ve never been through the heartbreaking physical symptoms of loneliness and depression you can’t begin to understand it’s effect. And you are definitely in no position to tell anyone what you think they should be doing. Until you’ve experienced the grief that goes along with loneliness and losing all family members you can’t speak about something you know nothing about.

Visit my other blogs at Haunted Abandoned CarolinasSassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger5Ve which is my old haunted blog and Life990 which is my old personal blog. You can read my articles at Hubpages. Peace….

 

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