I’ve been on a roll lately writing about christian dating and being a good wife and today after writing a less sarcastic post than the one before deciding today to switch gears and write about something I know more about. I’ve been loathe to write about this because it’s a difficult topic and I have to dig deep to get through the article without flailing.
One website dedicated to recovery is Discovery Place and has this article THE SECRETS TO HELPING AN ALCOHOLIC FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND. The other is How To Help An Alcoholic Family Member.
Two of the main reasons it is so difficult for me is that my dad(now deceased) was an alcoholic and my ex husband is an alcoholic. My dad couldn’t hold the light to my ex husband’s drinking and I know firsthand how much of a manipulator he is and how he took advantage of my goodwill especially when he wanted a drink. He will go for weeks or months without drinking then hit a runner and drink for days, weeks or even months without letting up. His drinking is the reason I finally left and why I’m now facing alot of truths I never faced before.
The site offers some good advice but I have to disagree with this statement “The majority of alcoholics will not sober up, or consider getting sober, unless faced with serious life consequences.” My ex husband refused to sober up even after the power was turned off, he had no water, no plumbing and no food. He did sober up only because he had no money for it. But he would just sit at the window and stare out of it for hours on end blaming me because I’d left and went to live with a friend of his. At the time his friend offered me a place to live I was living in my car and had been for a year and a half after leaving him. Unfortunately, I’m back living in my car but that’s another story.
I would consider his losing everything hitting rock bottom but perhaps not. And he’s refused to go to AA or get help of any kind.
The one thing my ex husband could do and still does is push buttons. As one friend commented, “You are way beyond button pushing, the dial is turned on high and you automatically go to that setting.” He’s right. The alcohol angers and frustrates me more than anything else. Maybe partly because I had no control with my dad and couldn’t voice my feelings with him because depending on what he was drinking I stayed out of the way. He was verbally abusive and one stone’s throw away from being physically violent if things didn’t go his way. And when he was drinking nothing went his way. Much like my ex husband.
Dealing with an alcoholic is physically and mentally exhausting. When I lost my last place to live I lived with my ex husband for a few weeks because I had no place to live other than my car. After awhile it was so exhausting listening to him complain all night long and his verbal abuse that I got in my car about seven at night and left. With nowhere to go and angry I drove until I was too exhausted to keep driving and fell asleep in a rest area. At first, it was hard. This car wasn’t as comfortable as the last one that I’d lived in for a year and a half. So for the first week or two I had a hard time adjusting. But after a few weeks I got used to it. Even though the car was nearly as big as my last one and was the same as another I’d lived in off and on it was a rather difficult adjustment especially after having a home for a year. Nonetheless, I had to get used to it. And now I’m on my own road trying to figure out how I’m going to get out of this mess. Right now, my car is home and I have to be content with it.
It’s not an easy road when an alcoholics behavior has an extremely negative impact on another’s life and is even worse when the alcoholic doesn’t understand or care what his/her actions have done. But the alcoholic won’t take responsibility for his conduct. He doesn’t even recognize that his alcoholism has any repercussions for another. He thinks it’s everyone else’s problem but this isn’t true. His actions have consequences for those around him.
An alcoholic can’t stop with one glass of wine or beer. They can’t stop until it’s gone. And if they’re anything like my ex they won’t stop for days or weeks. I go into this further in my next post.
To sum up, it’s hard getting an alcoholic to own his actions and get help. They have a bunch of excuses as to why they don’t need help and usually involves it being other people’s problem not their own or like my dad blaming my mother saying she drove him to drink. This was always his justification.
My best recommendation is to seek help from a licensed therapist and go to al anon meetings. I’ve been to a therapist but I’ve yet to be to an al anon meeting.
Visit my other blogs at Haunted Abandoned Carolinas, Sassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger, 5Ve which is my old haunted blog and Life990 which is my old personal blog. You can read my articles at Hubpages. Peace…..