In this second piece I talk a little about the things that keep someone single. You can read Part 1 Here. This too, was inspired after reading some articles. It is 8 PIeces Of Dating Advice That is Keeping Me Single, 5 Pieces Of Horrible Dating Advice and Stupid Things People Say To Singles.
I’m not sure if the first author is being sarcastic but some of her commenters seem to think so. I read some of the things people say and while I’ve heard some of it the rest of it is the most stupid things I’ve ever heard.
One of the things I used to hear when I was looking for a spouse was the gift of singleness. I heard this often and loud. So much so I started to really believe it. I’m still on the fence on this one but in reality finding someone is hard today. It’s that simple. I have a male friend who totally disagrees with this logic and insists that if there were such a thing as a singleness gift God never would have created Eve for Adam. His viewpoint is very simple, he believes that God didn’t intend for people to live solitary lives without a companion/helper. His view may be correct but finding someone today is very difficult. Let’s not mince words about this. Especially if you have certain standards and expectations that you’re unwilling to compromise which in the long run is a good thing. Because you can live happier single than with the wrong person.
Another piece of lacking wisdom which my friend has also put forth and BTW he’s single(divorced) too is, “you’re not looking hard enough”. That’s another gem that many people put out there. Usually by the married folks or those like my male friend who “are not looking and/or don’t want a relationship.” Don’t you just love it when well meaning people give advice with no idea what it’s actually like and in some cases have no idea what they’re talking about? These armchair counselors give advice on how to work on a brand new Ferrari yet they don’ own one.
People can only give advice as to what worked for them or how they met their spouse and taking into consideration that a few decades may have passed since they got married. Alot has changed in just two decades. Think about 3 or 4.
To some degree I probably didn’t look hard enough. I didn’t date as much as I could have and I certainly was no serial dater that some websites promote. But I did my fair share of dating. I just never met the right man. Maybe if I had dated more I would have met him. But that’s no guarantee. The only guarantee here is possibility of emotional and spiritual pain would have been greater. It takes alot out of a person to go through failed relationships. If it failed, it probably was a good thing in the end but it takes time for a person to recover from a romance and get back out there. And the more of these failed romances one gets under his belt the more cynical we tend to get. This is human nature. And this cynicism can ruin a blossoming relationship. Some people can go through them without it ever really phasing them but others like me find it harder to shake off and move forward. Some just don’t take rejection as well as others. Maybe because of a dysfunctional childhood, bad high school years or any number of other reasons but it exists.
Then there’s the opposite end of the spectrum, “love will find you when you least expect it.” This is another polished gem that well meaning offer up as an explanation for singleness. It may be partly true but in some cases like mine, romance found me with the wrong person and years of failures that can really hurt a person’s self esteem and other advice suggesting you’re going to have to lower your standards. So the things I read online about women finally grabbing whatever’s available is to some degree accurate. Do I regret it? No. It was one of the worst, most dysfunctional relationships I’ve ever had. It was also one of the longest, hardest and was never boring. And would I do it again? I can’t imagine not doing it.
Another good one is, “God’s timing is perfect.” This suggests if you just wait the right one will appear. He/she’s not going to knock on your door. Then again you could date alot and still not meet the right one. I have to be perfectly honest here and am probably going to get lambasted for saying this but God isn’t a very good matchmaker. That was never His role. It is your decision on who you date and marry. You can give God credit if you like but doesn’t mean He’s responsible and in my opinion is a gross overstatement to give God the credit in sending someone. This takes the responsibility out of your hands to task this yourself. Granted, we’re not all good task takers. Some do it better than others and sometimes luck, coincidence and well meant introductions are responsible.
To close, the biggest reason I see for this awful dating advice is that the people around you either hear about and know your desire to meet someone and/or have listened to all the complaints they’re willing to listen to. So out rolls this well meaning but awful advice. This is their way of saying, “shut up, I don’t want to hear it. I have bigger problems. So please stop talking about it.” Unless someone asks if you’re single, don’t volunteer the information. This is why they give this advice. Besides they can see for themselves when you show up to church with no one. I understand sometimes people will ask and pursue the topic even when you’re unwilling to. But you have the option of shutting them down with only a word or two.
Visit my other blogs at Haunted Abandoned Carolinas, Sassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger, 5Ve which is my old haunted blog and Life990 which is my old personal blog. You can read my articles at Hubpages. Peace….