Dealing With An Alcoholic

I’ve been on a roll lately writing about christian dating and being a good wife and today after writing a less sarcastic post than the one before deciding today to switch gears and write about something I know more about. I’ve been loathe to write about this because it’s a difficult topic and I have to dig deep to get through the article without flailing.

One website dedicated to recovery is Discovery Place and has this article THE SECRETS TO HELPING AN ALCOHOLIC FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND. The other is How To Help An Alcoholic Family Member.

Two of the main reasons it is so difficult for me is that my dad(now deceased) was an alcoholic and my ex husband is an alcoholic. My dad couldn’t hold the light to my ex husband’s drinking and I know firsthand how much of a manipulator he is and how he took advantage of my goodwill especially when he wanted a drink. He will go for weeks or months without drinking then hit a runner and drink for days, weeks or even months without letting up. His drinking is the reason I finally left and why I’m now facing alot of truths I never faced before.

The site offers some good advice but I have to disagree with this statement “The majority of alcoholics will not sober up, or consider getting sober, unless faced with serious life consequences.” My ex husband refused to sober up even after the power was turned off, he had no water, no plumbing and no food. He did sober up only because he had no money for it. But he would just sit at the window and stare out of it for hours on end blaming me because I’d left and went to live with a friend of his. At the time his friend offered me a place to live I was living in my car and had been for a year and a half after leaving him. Unfortunately, I’m back living in my car but that’s another story.

I would consider his losing everything hitting rock bottom but perhaps not. And he’s refused to go to AA or get help of any kind.

The one thing my ex husband could do and still does is push buttons. As one friend commented, “You are way beyond button pushing, the dial is turned on high and you automatically go to that setting.” He’s right. The alcohol angers and frustrates me more than anything else. Maybe partly because I had no control with my dad and couldn’t voice my feelings with him because depending on what he was drinking I stayed out of the way. He was verbally abusive and one stone’s throw away from being physically violent if things didn’t go his way. And when he was drinking nothing went his way. Much like my ex husband.

Dealing with an alcoholic is physically and mentally exhausting. When I lost my last place to live I lived with my ex husband for a few weeks because I had no place to live other than my car. After awhile it was so exhausting listening to him complain all night long and his verbal abuse that I got in my car about seven at night and left. With nowhere to go and angry I drove until I was too exhausted to keep driving and fell asleep in a rest area. At first, it was hard. This car wasn’t as comfortable as the last one that I’d lived in for a year and a half. So for the first week or two I had a hard time adjusting. But after a few weeks I got used to it. Even though the car was nearly as big as my last one and was the same as another I’d lived in off and on it was a rather difficult adjustment especially after having a home for a year. Nonetheless, I had to get used to it. And now I’m on my own road trying to figure out how I’m going to get out of this mess. Right now, my car is home and I have to be content with it.

It’s not an easy road when an alcoholics behavior has an extremely negative impact on another’s life and is even worse when the alcoholic doesn’t understand or care what his/her actions have done. But the alcoholic won’t take responsibility for his conduct. He doesn’t even recognize that his alcoholism has any repercussions for another. He thinks it’s everyone else’s problem but this isn’t true. His actions have consequences for those around him.

An alcoholic can’t stop with one glass of wine or beer. They can’t stop until it’s gone. And if they’re anything like my ex they won’t stop for days or weeks. I go into this further in my next post.

To sum up, it’s hard getting an alcoholic to own his actions and get help. They have a bunch of excuses as to why they don’t need help and usually involves it being other people’s problem not their own or like my dad blaming my mother saying she drove him to drink. This was always his justification.

My best recommendation is to seek help from a licensed therapist and go to al anon meetings. I’ve been to a therapist but I’ve yet to be to an al anon meeting.

Visit my other blogs at Haunted Abandoned CarolinasSassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger5Ve which is my old haunted blog and Life990 which is my old personal blog. You can read my articles at Hubpages. Peace…..

Kentucky

I’ll start with this because this is where I’m currently at. I left North Carolina back in December, right before Christmas. When I came back to NC in September I tried to stay with my ex husband for a little while but it didn’t work out mainly due to his drinking. He would keep me up until the wee hours of the morning griping and fussing about everything under the sun(my previous therapist called it verbal abuse) and it was very stressful. Between yelling and drinking he would drop his pants and try to get me to engage in sexual activity which I’ve no desire to do. It’s no secret that we have an almost unbreakable bond and it’s hard to tear away from him and my last boyfriend(we’re still friends) insisted that we break all ties. At the time he wanted me to kick him out of a house that belonged to me. Shortly after my uncle acquired the property(it’s in terrible disrepair and I got very little for it) but my last boyfriend thinks I still have the power to kick him out of the house even though it no longer belongs to me. Well, obviously I can’t do that and anyone using their common sense knows this.

This long story that I’ll talk more about later brings me here to Kentucky. When I started back in December anger fueled me all the way to California as it has done in the past. I explored many places while there. I went to Death Valley National Park, Big Bend National Park in Texas, Utah(which I’ve never been to but driven through with my ex husband years ago), area 51 in Nevada, the canyons in Utah and Arizona, Lake Tahoe, Mammoth Lakes in California, Tombstone, Arizona, Florida, Louisiana and quite a few other destinations along the way and I still haven’t explored the gulf coast which was my intent upon leaving NC. I didn’t make it back to the Grand Canyon which is a regret. I I left Flagstaff, Arizona intent on exploring Route 66 which I did. Not all of it but some. My quest was to to make it to Joplin, Missouri then decided on St. Louis but got rearended and sidetracked and ended up going to Kansas then after having my car inspected kept going east which brings me to Kentucky, not too far from Missouri and Illinois. Not my favorite Kentuckian spot, Pikeville which is closer to West Virginia.

I’ve been here in Kentucky for almost two weeks taking care of business, getting my new blogs started and exploring a few places that are supposedly haunted. I developed that interest after my mother died years ago and a three car accident which I’ll talk more about later as I move some posts. My old blog kind of started to become a catchall for everything. My nature pictures, my haunted and abandoned places, other haunted objects and other photographs that fell into the category of interesting, cars(I love old, classic cars and photograph every one I see), route 66 and most anything else I can think of. I finally realized that haunted and abandoned places go on one blog, my travels and route 66 on another and maybe nature on a third. But I haven’t quite decided what direction I want this blog to go in so I may put my travels and some of my photography here. Rather than trying to keep up with three(or four). I’m currently working on three. But as I get my old blog posts moved I’ll drop one except for marketing purposes since it gets more traffic than my two brand new ones. At least right now.

Since I’m not sure which direction I want to take this blog in it may end up having my nature and travel photography. And of course I will still write. That is without a doubt one of my big passions next to photography although sometimes I tend to ramble about stuff that makes no sense to anyone but me. Anyway, we’ll see. And thanks for visiting. Hope to see you again.

Visit my other blogs at Haunted Abandoned CarolinasSassygrrl32-PhotoBlogger and 5Ve. You can read my articles at Hubpages…..Peace