For awhile now I’ve been wondering if it’s possible if my soulmate(the one true person for me) has already died. I found an interesting article Is Your Soulmate Already Dead that seems to think so. It makes sense, for those people that never seem to find happiness and instead a flurry of failed relationships or can’t find love at all.
I’m one of those unfortunate people that, as my aunt put it, couldn’t find a good man if my life depended on it. Whether this is because he died before I met him I can’t say. It’s an idea that I’ve pondered for awhile now. Is it really possible?
In the article the author says if you find yourself repeating relationship situations then there’s a good chance this may be a past life experience. This could be true but there’s a much more plausible explanation and it’s quite simple. You’re repeating dysfunctional relationship patterns and of course they feel familiar. The new person in your life is like the last one that didn’t work out and until you can figure out how to stop attracting dysfunctional and attract someone who’s functional and ready to be in a relationship, you’re going to continue with the same problems over and over again. Unfortunately, it’s isn’t easy to pinpoint your problem areas and sometimes even harder to attract the right kind of person. Once you get into a cycle it’s hard to break. It’s easy to go back to what’s familiar and comfortable. But even when you do change key areas and are ready to meet the right kind of person it can be difficult. Even when you are entirely functional you may still keep meeting the wrong kind. Therapists will tell you, “dysfunctional attracts dysfunctional.” I don’t disagree with this statement. But they will follow with, “it will take 3 to 5 years to fix yourself(as if you’re an automobile) before you should even consider dating. This is what my last therapist told me. And that means 5 years worth of fees for them. Whether you’re actually fixed or even needed fixing is another matter and whether you will actually meet Mr. Right when the therapy ends is an even bigger IF. Of course every therapist is different. My current therapist told me to embrace the instability and distractions were a good time filler. These distractions keep you from thinking about your situation and what it is you actually want. He didn’t say the last part but this is what you’re doing. It keeps you from getting as frustrated as you would otherwise be. The truth is, therapists don’t really know the answer and when all else fails they blame your parents. If the parents are dead this is especially useful. It’s Mom and Dad’s fault you’re failing at love. Continually failing at love is not only heartbreaking, it’s stressful and keeps you from being as healthy as you should be. Statistics say people live longer and healthier when they have companionship. It’s nice to have affection and love but we don’t all find it. It’s like winning the lottery. Some do, some don’t. It’s the love lottery. Sometimes you spend 5 dollars to win one dollar. Those are the failed, dysfunctional relationships and you wish you’d kept your five bucks. After all, you could have bought a latte and saved yourself a mountain of heartache.
I believe people can live just as long and healthy as their married counterparts. It’s all how they handle their situation. It’ can be extremely frustrating to want something that you can’t seem to find. But people that are happy alone have found other things to fill their lives. Distractions that keep them too busy to think about Mr/Ms Right.
There comes a time when you either accept your situation of not meeting the right one and move on or dwell in it. This is more unhealthy than not having a companion.
Accepting that your soulmate is either not out there or more likely died before meeting is to a degree comforting. It doesn’t give you that affection and love you desire and crave. But it can give you peace.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with me. I’m kind, loyal, loving and a good person. There’s absolutely no reason that any man should have rejected me. There’s no reason I should have always attracted addicts, alcoholics and abusers but I do. I don’t even have to speak and I still attract Mr. Wrong. It’s like I have a neon sign attached to my forehead begging the wrong man to beckon. I’m sure I’m not the only woman or man who’s faced this situation. Quite honestly, I believe this to be partly a breakdown in our society. I also think some areas have a higher incidence of crappy men. But mostly it’s society. I also believe the most people who reject an otherwise good candidate doesn’t want a good person. They can put it down to chemistry or whatever they want but they really don’t. And my theory for the reason why is if they accept a good person(one who will be faithful, loyal, loving and there for them) they can no longer be a victim. As long a person only accepts bad relationship candidates(ones who cheat, lie, stab them in the back) they can continually be a victim. Most people like being victims. They get sympathy. If they accept someone better they won’t get that pity. It sounds crazy but this is the conclusion I’ve come to.
What this means for you. Provided your soulmate is still breathing, is when you meet new people and find out their last relationship ended because of cheating, lying, etc. is to run away. There’s always a chance this could be the one but more than likely it’s going to be another heartache. First, if he/she divulges that he/she was cheated on, lied to, etc. this is good indicator that the cheater still has power over him/her and until that power is vanquished(the first thing about his/her last relationship isn’t he/she cheated) this person will not be ready for a new relationship. This must be resolved. When it is he/she will only say the relationship didn’t work out. This isn’t withstanding that a person can lie but most don’t because they garnish compassion when they talk about their cheating ex spouses. The same goes for all other dysfunctionalities such as addictions, etc.
To wrap up. it may or may not be true that if you’re continually meeting the wrong one that he/she may have died already. If he/she did then there’s the possibility you will meet in the afterlife. This isn’t much of a comfort when you really want someone to put his arms around you but it’s better than the alternative which is to think that there’s simply no one out there for you. Or you may meet in a future life and finally get the love you always craved. The truth is, most people have that special someone out there for them and either you aren’t looking hard enough or they really did die already. It isn’t hard for most people to meet their soulmate. Most people just do but when you don’t there’s a very real possibility that he/she died before you could meet.
I visit alot of cemeteries to take pictures and sometimes I wonder if my soulmate is buried in one of them. This is a very real possibility.
The one good piece of advice I offer is to know that all those people that rejected you are the ones losing out. Not you. They decided for whatever reason they didn’t want someone who would love them and be loyal. They’re stupid. And you don’t want a stupid person. They’d rather have cheaters, liars, addicts, abusers, alcoholics, people that treat them badly, etc. You don’t want this. You are a good person. You deserve love just like everyone else. You’re too good for most people out there. This may seem self centered but being open and loving didn’t work and your soulmate is probably in a graveyard somewhere so it’s a matter what kind of attitude you have.